talktoyourcactus:

Is it just me, or did we used to have normal-smelling shampoos before? Everything was strawberry, and peppermint, and citrus. Nice, normal things.

Now I pick a bottle up and it’s like DEW GATHERED BY MONKS FROM THE HIMALAYA MOUNTAINS MIXED WITH A ROOT OF AN ASNCLSCHBK PLANT THAT GROWS ONLY IN AN OBSCURE VILLAGE IN AMAZONIA, WITH A DASH OF MAGICAL BERRIES FROM NARNIA TO GIVE YOUR HAIR VOLUME.

AND IT STILL SMELLS LIKE CITRUS TO ME.

fuckyeahtxtposts:

YOU LIL BITCH

wartortles:

o—sculate:

wartortles:

wartortles:

WHAT IF SNAKES HAD TINY LITTLE ARMS AND LEGS OMFG

so apparently those are called lizards

There are two types of people. 

i am literally the only one who commented on this

apatheticghost:

what i learned from school

1. im a fucking piece of shit
2. everybody else is also a fucking piece of shit
3. mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell

handpora:

ARE YOU TELLING ME SANDY CHEEKS CAN BUILD A ROCKET THAT GOES FROM THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN TO THE FUCKING MOON BUT DIDN’T KNOW THAT A SEA SPONGE WOULD NEED WATER IN HER AIR DOME

kobayashimarooned:

padalackles:

dent-arthur-dent:

drarna:

i love how the two most cited love stories of all time are romeo & juliet and titanic and they both involve teenagers who knew each other for less than a week

and Leonardo DiCaprio played the male lead in both them.

And he died in both of them

and he still didn’t win an oscar

lohanthony:

the fact that there was an explosion at the boston marathon and the marathon was dedicated to the sandy hook shooting makes me beyond pissed

hitterlick:

dildos and dildon’ts

growlithed:

i wish my parents got me into a sport when i was young and kept me committed to it so id have a nice body but instead i ended up on the internet and im gross

assistantt0theregionalmanager:

pizzaforpresident:

I’ve never met a smart person named Ashley

I have a friend named Ashley and one time she took the fish eggs from the top of her sushi and put them in a glass of water because she thought they would hatch